Of Bears and Beets

… of teams that aren’t going to play for a national championship. OK, I’ll concede that’s a low blow. But hey, the only destiny that the Nittany Lions can actually control is deciding whether they want to lose to USC in the Rose Bowl of they want to pass the buck to Michigan State and take their chances with some schmuck like LSU in the Capital One Bowl. Now I don’t know what’s in your wallet, much less Joe Paterno’s. But I know what’s in mine, and its a new, gritty, edgy, awesometastical Top 25.

1. Mississippi State Bulldogs: They say you’re only as strong as your weakest link, and everyone knows the SEC is the single greatest collective of athletes ever. Asofar as I can tell, the Bulldogs are their weakest link, so no team in the SEC can be better than them. So I guess they’re the best team in all of sports. Who knew?

2. Dallas Cowboys: “Weakest Link” logic applies here, as well, seeing as the NFC East is nearly the equal of the SEC and Dallas is the pro equivalent of Mississippi State. Pundits expect the division to send at least three of its four teams to the Super Bowl. I’d be inclined to agree, except for the Cowboys’ losses to Arizona and St. Louis, the Giants’ loss to Cleveland, the Eagles’ loss to Chicago and the Redskins’ losses to St. Louis (again?!) and Pittsburgh. Other than that, though …

3. Los Angeles Lakers: The Lakers are clicking on all cylinders, perhaps playing as well as anyone else in sports right now, especially the two teams ahead of them in this poll. Unfortunately, they play in the same building as the Clippers, who are just oozing putridity all over Los Angeles. (It doesn’t help that state officials have reportedly been shipping the Kings’ putridity down I-5 to keep the capitol sparkling. At least they have the Garden State Bonanza Tag Team of Quincy Douby and Jason Thompson.)
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